Thug that shit out homie
We grow up listening to the older women in our lives telling us to stay away from boys and yada yada but no one has given us a dating 101 course to know how to approach the do’s and don’ts of “Single, mingling, and settling”
Exactly a year, 6 months and a day later I started catching feelings for the person I like to call the love of my life. He was already in the picture when I was dealing with the previous guy but he was just a friend until he wasn’t just a friend anymore. My friends assumed he was supposed to be the one, we were a dynamic duo (inside jokes were elite) he was kind, smart and patient with me, he taught me love and he was the most handsome man I’ve ever known inside and out to the point where I didn’t even realize when I started catching feelings for him until I found myself telling my mom all about him. Nothing was forced. We’d be on the phone for hours and when we’d skype, he’d grab his guitar and sing for me & I’d write his songs (I’m cheesing hella hard while I’m writing this), anyway he asked me out twice and I brushed it off both times because I was comfortable with what we had at the time until it was too late and he never asked me out again, and everything changed, he met someone new (a beautiful girl and she seems sweet) then shit went left & he had to go so I blocked him everywhere and kept it moving but I have a lot of love in my heart from him. I could never hate this man, we outgrew each other that’s all.
Then a couple of months later I put my ideal man on a piece of paper & I don’t know if the universe was pranking me but it casually sent me the copycat of my piece of paper in human form except lol it all feels like that drake lyrics; in short it feels like this will never happen so I need to give myself closure and move on but he's a great person, he's fine as fuck, he’s mysterious, I think he’s pretty funny and on top of it all he’s so intelligent but... To be continued or not.
I’ve always managed to tell myself if something is meant to be it will be but the worst part of bargaining is where I wish the men that did me wrong to come back and act right not because it feels right but because it's a matter of ego. I've been learning to have love for some people but from far away.
All these situations have a similar pattern of me not putting a halt to everything sooner causing me to hurt.
Ever since I was a little girl, I always knew what I wanted in all aspects of my life except romantically because I never aspired to marriage since I grew up with a dad who gifted me puzzles, museum trips and books instead of barbies (yea I know I'm a hot ass nerd). Furthermore in my teenage years I was playing around when it came to dating because it all seemed fun to me. I’ve told a couple of boys here and there I liked them without actually meaning it so this love shit I really am figuring it out as I go. In my late teen years and early twenties I developed a toxic pattern of not knowing when to cut people I actually care for off because I hold on to people I like since it takes me forever to like someone to begin with.
As I go through this Journey, I can’t help but notice that a lot of emotions are akin to Love which can be dragged and turned into unnecessary one-sided heartbreaks.
Some of you who’ve been keeping up with my articles might ask yourselves how the hell does she put up with so much when she has all these standards and expectations and unfortunately one thing about that motherfucker we call feelings is that it subliminally persuades you to settle for what you have now because you don’t know what’s next! We all know how that post disappointment trauma you get from someone you thought would never do you like that is realer than bobby shmurda, however, I’ve taken into consideration that I’m only 21 years old and this dating thing will only get more challenging as I’m meant to figure out eventually whose bullshit and penis I’m going to have to be dealing with forever ; as if forever isn’t a terrifying word itself, therefore, I really need to know that although I’m milking dead cows if it spills I just have to cry about it and keep it moving !.
& if you're going through something similar to this as cliche as it sounds the best piece of advice I can offer you is to thug that shit out baby.
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Earlier this week I was going through my “In my feelings playlist” as I was getting ready to go out (I literally blast music when I’m getting dressed) and conveniently enough “doing it wrong by Drake” came on and I didn’t skip it this time ; while I’m applying my mascara focused as fuck, I hear Drake casually sing “Talk if you need to, but I can't stay to hear you. That's the wrong thing to do cause you'll say you love me, and I'll end up lying And say I love you too But I need someone different & You to know it”… Guys not only this shit felt like a revelation but I swear the Buddha that shit felt like all my past situation-ships blues hit my ass with a big “dumbass bitch” printed brick & as much as I don’t like getting into the nitty gritty of my romantic life unless of course, you’re my friend. Today, you’re going to get a certain extent of matcha tea on the fraud of an alpha woman that I appear to be to a lot of you ; some of you assume that I’m gay because I never post a man on my social media, some of you assume that I have hoes and some of you assume that I’m the biggest alpha woman when it comes to men because of my tweets so let me tell you straight up that this is subtle case of two truths and a lie ; no I’m not gay, yes I do have some hoes they’re all very much alike in behaviors (quiet , intelligent , mysterious and out of the mix) & yes I am an alpha woman to some men but as soon as a man that I like checks these three boxes; intelligent, dominant and cultured it’s like the Sagittarius in me leaves my body and let him hypnotize me; to say the least I take a lot of shit from men I have feelings for. You’re probably wondering why I brought up Drake’s lyrics and although this sounds really bad guys, but I wish a lot of guys that broke my heart told me these exact same words so I could finally learn my lessons about milking dead cows.
“All about the dead cows”
I’ve been impacted by three situation-ships in my life where I know for a fact have shaped me to be the person I am today emotionally. Fifteen years me old had an insane amount of codependency on a boy that was really bad for me – there was so much passion involved that I allowed him to treat me as he pleased until about a year and 11 months later one day I woke up and told my maid this is the last time she’ll have to wipe tears off my eyes; I headed to his house on a summer day for some raunchy Adios amigo sex (ew I hope my siblings and parents will never come across this LMFAO) then ghosted, when I got home I told my step-sister all about how I was done this time: her, the driver and the maid could’ve sworn I’d go back to him but this time I told myself “I love him but I love myself more”. It was hard for me, but I knew had I stayed I would’ve died not even being dramatic but we’re not exposing anyone on my good Christian blog today so, anyways, I went into healing mode for 3 years; I refused to entertain anything serious for about a year and a half because a bitch had her guards up higher than Babylon walls.Exactly a year, 6 months and a day later I started catching feelings for the person I like to call the love of my life. He was already in the picture when I was dealing with the previous guy but he was just a friend until he wasn’t just a friend anymore. My friends assumed he was supposed to be the one, we were a dynamic duo (inside jokes were elite) he was kind, smart and patient with me, he taught me love and he was the most handsome man I’ve ever known inside and out to the point where I didn’t even realize when I started catching feelings for him until I found myself telling my mom all about him. Nothing was forced. We’d be on the phone for hours and when we’d skype, he’d grab his guitar and sing for me & I’d write his songs (I’m cheesing hella hard while I’m writing this), anyway he asked me out twice and I brushed it off both times because I was comfortable with what we had at the time until it was too late and he never asked me out again, and everything changed, he met someone new (a beautiful girl and she seems sweet) then shit went left & he had to go so I blocked him everywhere and kept it moving but I have a lot of love in my heart from him. I could never hate this man, we outgrew each other that’s all.
Then a couple of months later I put my ideal man on a piece of paper & I don’t know if the universe was pranking me but it casually sent me the copycat of my piece of paper in human form except lol it all feels like that drake lyrics; in short it feels like this will never happen so I need to give myself closure and move on but he's a great person, he's fine as fuck, he’s mysterious, I think he’s pretty funny and on top of it all he’s so intelligent but... To be continued or not.
I’ve always managed to tell myself if something is meant to be it will be but the worst part of bargaining is where I wish the men that did me wrong to come back and act right not because it feels right but because it's a matter of ego. I've been learning to have love for some people but from far away.
All these situations have a similar pattern of me not putting a halt to everything sooner causing me to hurt.
Ever since I was a little girl, I always knew what I wanted in all aspects of my life except romantically because I never aspired to marriage since I grew up with a dad who gifted me puzzles, museum trips and books instead of barbies (yea I know I'm a hot ass nerd). Furthermore in my teenage years I was playing around when it came to dating because it all seemed fun to me. I’ve told a couple of boys here and there I liked them without actually meaning it so this love shit I really am figuring it out as I go. In my late teen years and early twenties I developed a toxic pattern of not knowing when to cut people I actually care for off because I hold on to people I like since it takes me forever to like someone to begin with.
As I go through this Journey, I can’t help but notice that a lot of emotions are akin to Love which can be dragged and turned into unnecessary one-sided heartbreaks.
Some of you who’ve been keeping up with my articles might ask yourselves how the hell does she put up with so much when she has all these standards and expectations and unfortunately one thing about that motherfucker we call feelings is that it subliminally persuades you to settle for what you have now because you don’t know what’s next! We all know how that post disappointment trauma you get from someone you thought would never do you like that is realer than bobby shmurda, however, I’ve taken into consideration that I’m only 21 years old and this dating thing will only get more challenging as I’m meant to figure out eventually whose bullshit and penis I’m going to have to be dealing with forever ; as if forever isn’t a terrifying word itself, therefore, I really need to know that although I’m milking dead cows if it spills I just have to cry about it and keep it moving !.
& if you're going through something similar to this as cliche as it sounds the best piece of advice I can offer you is to thug that shit out baby.
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