Access : /ˈakˌses/

When the idea of starting this blog came to my mind, I initially wanted a place to be myself through words and for my mutuals, but recently I logged onto my blogger account and 200 people have read my first post so far and to be honest I’m in awe. For some reason, the weirdest situations inspire me to write, topics are plenty but I’m the queen of laziness, I mean what do you expect from someone who’d rather close her computer and take a nap than plug it to the charger right by her bed. I’ve been starting my blog posts with the backstories that inspire the posts, so for the culture, I'll keep it that way : 

Recently, I was having lunch with one of my friends when she offered to set me up on a blind date with a friend of hers because “she’s tired of me being single”, so me being me,  started barraging her with questions about him ,his ambitions, what he does for a living, and the whole shebang, minutes into the conversation when I refused to hang out with a 29-year-old man whose aspiration in life is smaller than my chest I got accused of being a snob and a gold-digger. My facial expression was the embodiment of “lol, ok” because not only I didn’t care to be offended, I was indifferent of being labeled as these amazing qualifiers.

 It was not the first time I was accused of being a troll, by my relatives, stuck up, by strangers and a snob, by my friends so I’ve allowed myself to get comfortable with these words because like Unibank these words and I nous faisons la route ensemble.

A little backstory about me:  I was born and raised in Port Au Prince, Haiti and Santiago de los Caballeros, Dominican Republic. I mostly grew up with my father, an incredibly intelligent man who challenged me to be myself unapologetically and an amazing stepmother who gave me unconditional love and understanding. I’m my dad’s only child but I have a step sister. We were raised in the suburbs of Haiti, attended the best schools in the country, had 2 maids at our service and a driver, grew up behind incredibly high walls and big gates. The only time we’d see the streets were when we were in the car headed to school in the morning and to our friend’s parties in Petion-Ville during the weekends but you get the picture, we’d have access to the streets when we were in cars headed somewhere. Our childhood friends were the neighborhood kids and my family’s friend’s kids so very few people had access to us as well. Then in 2011, I moved to the Dominican Republic with my brothers from my mother’s side, kept somewhat the same lifestyle even without a driver, I attended private schools and had a maid over there as well, which was a pretty sweet deal so I coped. My brothers, for the most part, drove me to school but I more or less had fewer boundaries. 2 years later, I moved to the United States, I was homeschooled in 11th grade then in 12th grade I had to attend public school. It was pretty miserable at first because everyone there was either incredibly annoying, a wanna-be or too ratchet for me, I managed to spend the year there, graduated and kept in touch with 3 out of 687 people from my graduating class. I spent two years at the local state college and made one friend my last semester there which is someone I previously attended school with, in Haiti. In this mini-autobiography, you can get two patterns, it’s that I'm used to the best and I’m very careful with who I allow being close to me. I recently moved to University and I have made a few friends and short-term acquaintances and in all honesty, I’m surprised that I even allowed myself to mingle with some people.

I recently tweeted that had it not been the United States I wouldn’t have talked to a lot of people and I don’t apologize for these tweets having an elitist undertone because I’m being honest. Being in the U.S toned down a lot of complexes I had in my character. While it is an enhancement, I wish I hadn’t let some people have access to me because it would’ve prevented me from dealing with the insane plethora of bullshit these people carry along with them so earlier this year I had to regroup, debunk and Woosah because over here we’re Zen af – Good vibes only.

When you allow yourself to be more flexible when it comes to being friendly, it is both a good and a bad thing. Yes it’ll challenge you to be a more receptive person but at the same time it’ll make you come across some individuals that are the conveyor of bad vibes, yes the type of people who fuck with your aura and shit, the type of people you have to take a step back and tell yourself “Girl what the hell”. I recently also tweeted about how I hate how some men are comfortable enough to approach me while asking God if this is the best I can do, again, very classist but I don’t care because I somewhat think it's disrespectful. It’s not the first time that friends who grew up with the same background as me express these same concerns where they feel weird that it’s hard to meet likeminded individuals when they move to the United States or Canada because the people they come across here are highly incompatible with them. This had me evaluating how much of a cherished thing your circle should be. Growing up my father would always tell me “Your IQ and attitude are an average of the top five people closest to you, so chose your inner circle wisely” and I would normally think it was old man talk until now that I’m in my twenties and I’m realizing how much giving people access to you is a tricky matter and how You are who you hang out with is important. 

I once read somewhere “carry yourself in such ways that people aren’t even comfortable with approaching you with bullshit” and this goes to both friendship and relationships, if it ain’t it then it just isn’t. You shouldn’t have to prove to people that you’re not what they think you are. The goal is to protect yourself and your aura at all costs, so fuck being called a snob or any other label and wear it like it’s an overpriced Chanel bag because who wouldn’t rather live an elevated life than a life filled with people with noxious behavior and settlers. Remember it’s okay to pick, outgrow and debunk people out of your life. Growth isn’t always a bad thing, it’s a sign that there is an improvement.

*This post is dearly dedicated to my cherished inner circle: Daisha, Melissa, Phedorah, Christina, Dahyna, Belinda, Cherline, Brittany, Camille, Claire, Kimberly and Mahera. Thank you for allowing me to be me unapologetically and contributing to my character improvement, everyday. 

 Love, Mendi.